


Dean and Tally: What You Don't Know Hurts Most of All

by AGJ1990



Series: Misc. Stories [12]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Feels, Dean Winchester Being an Asshole, Protective Sam Winchester, angst turned up to the max
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:35:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28423284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AGJ1990/pseuds/AGJ1990
Summary: Alternative ending to my story Family Don't Start in Blood. Tally doesn't run away.
Series: Misc. Stories [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1153910
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: The characters of Supernatural do not belong to me. The original characters of Tally and Lily do.**

**A/N:A friend of mine re** **quested this, and I wanted to have it done by Christmas, but working the Christmas season in retail is anything but joyful. People are rude and entitled (not everybody, but enough to make Christmas my least favorite time of year, at least in my working life), and it just makes for longer and more exhausting days than usual. Anyway, this story is an alternative ending to my story Family Don’t Start in Blood. In that story, Dean and Sam each have a stepdaughter. Dean’s stepdaughter, Tally, has recently lost her father and is having trouble dealing. After a big, blowout fight with her mother and Dean the night before a hunt, which ultimately ends in Dean telling Tally to ‘stop being a bitch’ in the original story, Tally runs away. In this story, Tally _doesn’t_ run away and the fight continues on the road. Because I’ve been all full of angst the last few days (due partly to family stuff but mostly to my raging period hormones), I was able to do a big chunk of this story over the last day and a half or so. I tried to fit it all into one big story, but it didn’t work, so I’ll start on part two tomorrow. Sam isn’t in this chapter much, but don’t worry. He’ll be in part two, and he’ll be my favorite version of Sam Winchester.**

**Mad Sam Winchester. Very mad Sam Winchester.**

**Before I get the flaming reviews about how much I hate Dean Winchester, let me just say this (which I’ve said over and over and over and over and over and over again in many of my other stories). I do not hate Dean Winchester. I also do not hate John Winchester. But I’ll be honest-this story will make it seem like I do. There is implicit John bashing in here, and Sam will definitely bash Dean in the next chapter. Again, I don’t hate them, I just like to play with them in order to deal with my angstiness. **

**That’s all folks. In case I don’t finish this chapter before then, Happy new year to all.**

_“Happy birthday to you!”_

_Tally blew out her candles and felt like a real big kid now. She started kindergarten soon, and now she was a whole five years old. She hadn’t been a baby for a while now, but now she felt like a really big kid._

_Her party was cool too. There was a big rainbow colored cake, a clown, and even though her daddy had said there wouldn’t be, a bouncy house. Tally figured that her grandmother had done the bouncy house, but she didn’t care. It was there, and she and all her friends were having a good time._

_But there was one thing missing._

_Tally wanted her mommy here. Mommy had promised to come, but she wasn’t here. It made Tally feel sad, but right now she had friends to play with. Maybe, just maybe, Mommy would come before she went to bed._

_“Tally Belle, you can play for five more minutes, then I’m gonna call everyone over for….”_

_“Cake?” Tally asked, excited._

_“You want cake first or presents?” Daddy asked. “If we do presents first, then you can play longer later.”_

_Tally thought it over, and decided her Daddy’s plan was the smartest. “Presents.”_

_Daddy laughed a little and kissed Tally’s cheek. “Go play, baby girl.”_

_“Daddy? You think Mommy’ll be here later?”_

_Suddenly, Daddy wasn’t happy anymore. He was mad. Really mad. “No, Tally. Your mother’s not coming.”_

_“What? Why?”_

_“Because she left us. Because of you.” Daddy said._

_Tally felt her heart start to hurt like it did before she wanted to cry. But she was a big girl now, she needed to use her words instead of just crying. She swallowed a couple of times and asked, in what she hoped was a grown-up voice, “What did I do?”_

_“Mommy left because of you.” Daddy said again. “I’m ashamed of you, Tallulah.”  
  
_

_The tears she’d tried to stop started. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I didn’t mean to make Mommy leave.”_

_But Daddy only had one thing to say now. “I’m ashamed of you. Ashamed. Ashamed…”_

“Tally! Wake up.”

Tally jerked awake and found herself somewhere else. It wasn’t her fifth birthday party, it was her bedroom.

“Come on. Wake up, kiddo. We have to leave in twenty.”

Dean. That’s who was in her room. Suddenly, it all came back. The fight the night before. Her mother telling her she wasn’t going to her game because she had to go with them on the hunt. Tally trying to explain that she couldn’t do it. She had to be at her game. Lily waffling, almost letting Tally stay, but doubling down. Dean telling her the same. She didn’t have a choice, she had to go, deal with it and get over it.

In other words, just like every other day, hunting was more important than whatever else might be going on.

“Tally, come on. Get up.”

“I’m up.” Tally said.

Dean sighed. He considered forcing Tally out of bed, but all that would do was stoke the fire that had been lit the night before. He opted for a different route. “Fine. Like I said, we’re leaving in twenty. If you’re not ready, you’re going like you are.”

So that was the way it was. Dean could call her names and be mean to her, but if she treated him the way he treated her, she was the bad guy.

Fine. Tally decided she’d play along. She’d do whatever Dean or her mother told her. She’d be the perfect, obedient kid. But any chance they had of her making any effort to have a relationship with them was done. If they didn’t have to apologize for not listening to her, or calling her mean names, then she didn’t have to make any effort to get closer to them.

After washing her face, brushing her teeth and hair, and throwing a couple of things into her backpack, Tally found she had five minutes to spare. She parked herself on the couch and had to fight a smile when Lily and Dean looked surprised to find her ready and waiting on them downstairs, rather than having to fight with her again.

Tally almost rolled her eyes at what her mother did next. She could see the two of them whispering at the foot of the stairs. She saw her mother point at her, say something, and glare at Dean before walking out to the car. Tally stood up and started to follow Lily outside.

“Hang on, kiddo.” 

Tally bit her bottom lip and stopped the _my name is Tally_ that she wanted to snap at Dean so badly. She sat on the arm of the couch and glared at the floor, waiting on permission to move and do as she’d been told. Hadn’t they been in a hurry just a half hour before?

“Listen. I’m sorry about last night.” Dean said. “I shouldn’t have said what I did to you. That wasn’t cool and I’m sorry.”

It _wasn’t cool_? Tally wanted to rage. Rage and kick and scream and cry. Make Dean feel every bit of the pain he’d caused to her by calling her what he did. Push him and kick him and just pass a tiny bit of the pain she was dealing with constantly onto him.

But she’d learned her lesson last night. How she felt and what she thought meant absolutely nothing. Her missing game or anything else she felt was important? Wasn’t. Only what her mother and Dean deemed important was actually important. While it was true that Dean apologizing was rare, Tally felt the apology fell short and she should make him _show_ how sorry he was, just like her father would have if he’d been there.

The thought of her father’s reaction to the events of the night before brought her a brief second of comfort, but Tally buried her thoughts and kept her face neutral. Her father wasn’t there, and she had to stop wishing that he was. It wouldn’t cause her anything but heartache. Dean was waiting for her reaction to his apology.

“It’s okay.” Tally said flatly.

Dean frowned. He hadn’t expected Tally to be excited about his apology, but he’d at least expected…something. He wanted to pester her about it, but he didn’t. Every time he talked to Tally lately seemed to end in a fight, so he simply instructed her to go to the car and that he’d be there in a minute.

When Tally made her way outside, she found her mother sitting in the back passenger seat, talking on her cell phone with the door open. Tally made her way to the other side of the backseat, opened the door and climbed inside. Just as Dean took the driver’s seat and Tally settled in, Lily wrapped up her phone call.

“Thank you so much, Coach.”

Tally felt her anger go up another notch. “You were talking to my coach.”

“Yes. I was.” Lily said. “I told him that we’ve decided you need some time off from soccer and that you’ll be back in the spring.”

_Don’t cry. It does no good,_ Tally reminded herself. The last remaining vestige of normalcy in her life was officially gone. Her father was gone, she wasn’t allowed to see her family unless it was under Lily or Dean’s supervision, and now her soccer team was being taken away all because her mother, who had been gone for weeks and months at a time for the first years of her life, had decided that she wasn’t good enough for it. Tally swallowed her anger down, trying to quell the pit that was forming in her stomach, and turned to look out the window.

“We can’t stop too much on the way there, but after we get some sleep and start back tomorrow, if there’s anywhere you want to stop, let us know.”

“No thanks.” Tally said.

Lily looked at Dean, who looked just as lost as she did. Lily nodded, and Dean started the car to head towards the hunt. As they pulled out of the driveway, Lily tried again.

“I thought I’d sit back here with you. Would you like that?”

“It’s fine.” Tally answered.

“Tally…”

“It’s fine.” Tally repeated. “It’s fine, Mom.”

Lily cringed. Tally was crushed, and Lily knew that it was on her. The soccer game that she was forcing Tally to miss and the team that she had officially taken her off of that morning was the only thing that had made Tally genuinely smile in the three months since Ken’s death. It was also the only thing that prompted Tally to actually talk to Lily. The question remained in Lily’s mind, and it had plagued her through most of the night. Was it cruel to punish Tally the way they had?

Deep down, Lily knew the answer. The spanking and the soccer team, while hard and painful for Lily, had been necessary. No matter how badly Tally was feeling, or how much she disagreed with Lily and Dean did, her attitude for the majority of the last three months had been unacceptable. They had to be tough on her. They had to take away something that she loved and make her earn it back so she could see what she’d done.

But telling Tally to shut up? That Ken would be ashamed of her? Not sticking up for her when Dean had disrespected her in a way that Lily knew, had Ken been alive, would have landed Dean in an early grave? That had crossed the line in a way that she’d be making up for for years. In a feeble attempt to start the process of healing, Lily gingerly reached over and took Tally’s hand.

“I know you’re angry. I don’t blame you. But please look at me.”

After a few tense seconds, Tally looked up, and Lily saw the tears stinging the edge of Tally’s eyes. She fought the urge to reach over and pull Tally into a crushing hug.

“I’m sorry about your game. I really, truly am.”

“Please don’t do this…”

“Tallulah, I’m talking. Stop and listen, now.” When Tally closed her mouth and let one of the tears she was fighting slip out, Lily continued. “I’m sorry. I know it feels like I am, but I’m not trying to hurt you. I know you’re disappointed. But I don’t know what else to do. I’m trying hard here, honey. I’m just asking for a chance.”

Tally wiped her face and said nothing, making the frown on Lily’s face deepen.

“Look. I know it feels like adults always think they’re right. I wasn’t. I still stand by soccer. I know you love it. I know it means a lot to you. But maybe a year’s too steep. If you start to do better, and you keep it up, you can play in the spring. Do we have a deal?”

Tally closed her eyes and took two deep breaths before responding. Her mother had been told this in the past, but apparently hadn’t been listening. “If I don’t play in the fall, I’m not allowed to play in the spring.”

“What? Since when?”

“Since always. We only practice and play home games in the fall. If we don’t practice, we don’t play. That’s the rule.”

Lily frowned. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know that. If you behave like I asked, I’ll talk to your coach.”

“No. I don’t want to be given favors.”

“Honey…”

“Please. I’m not trying to fight. But if I’m allowed to break the rule, everybody on the team’ll hate me. I know you’re trying to be nice, but just please listen to me on this. Don’t talk to him.”

“Okay. I won’t talk to him.”

“Thank you.” Tally said, relieved.

“But I want to say this too. What I said about your Daddy was way out of line. He wouldn’t be ashamed of you. He’d be nothing but proud of you. I still don’t think he’d be happy with your behavior, but you meant everything to him. You don’t have to write that letter to him. Okay?”

Another surge of anger was pushed down by Tally. She’d had trouble falling asleep the night before, so she’d already written the letter. It was in her backpack. But, in an attempt to keep the waters smooth, she nodded.

“Look. I’ll tell you what. We get to the motel in a few hours. Dean and I’ll go on the hunt, we’ll come back, take a shower and get some sleep, then tomorrow you and I’ll go off and do whatever you want. Just us. No Sam or Dean, just the two of us. What do you think?”

“Can we take Grandma out to dinner?”

Lily frowned again. “I really think we should spend some time together. We can take your grandmother out another night.”

“Please?”

Lily looked to the front seat, where Dean was pretending not to listen. Dean could tell Lily was disappointed, but again he kept silent. She had to do this on her own. Lily turned back to Tally and nodded.

“Okay. We’ll take your grandmother to dinner.”

“Thank you.” Tally said. “I mean that, Mom. Thank you.”

Lily could’ve sworn that Tally almost smiled at her. Her daughter had almost smiled because Lily had done something for her. It had been the moment she’d lived for for months now. But a split second later, that look went away and Tally’s heart sank again.

“Wait. You and Dean’ll do the hunt? What about me?”

“What about you?” Dean asked, speaking for the first time since they’d pulled onto the highway.

“Honey, you’ll stay in the room while me, Dean, and Sam do this. You didn’t think I’d let you come with us on an actual hunt, did you?”

Tally suddenly forgot her promise to herself to keep all her anger bottled up inside. Tally snatched her hand back from her mother and the rage that Lily hoped had been starting to fade came back in all its glory. “So you dragged me away from home, away from my friends, away from my _family_ , just to stick me in a room by myself?”

“It’ll only be for a couple of hours, honey…”

“It’s _never_ for a couple of hours. _Ever._ I can’t believe I was stupid enough to think that you wanted me to come with you to spend time together.”

“Honey, I do want that, but…”

“Then prove it. Don’t leave me alone in that room.”

“I have to, Tally. I’m sorry…”

“No, you’re not! You said it yourself last night. Or don’t you remember? _I’m done apologizing to you_? You always do this! You always leave me for a hunt and then say you’re sorry and you turn around and you do the same thing all over again! God, I’m so stupid. I actually thought you cared and wanted me around.”

“I do. How can you say that I don’t? That’s the whole reason you’re here with us!”

“Yeah. Except for when you walk out the door, _again_ , to go save people that _aren’t me_ , so that they can be with their families. While you keep walking out on yours. Except the big difference this time? You’re not leaving me with Daddy. You’re leaving me all alone. If you really cared, if you really, really cared…”

Brakes slamming brought the argument to a screeching halt. Five seconds later, the Impala was at a dead stop on the side of the highway and a furious Dean had turned around in his seat to face Tally.

“Stop. Talking. Now.” Dean said, quietly but with an intensity that shook both Tally and Lily. “Stop it. Your mother loves you more than anything else in the world. She has never walked out on you. You have _always_ had a stable home, a life, friends, and _family_ that care about you. The reason that we don’t let you see your uncle or your grandmother more? Because given the first chance they had, they’d take you away from your mother. And if I thought for a second you’d stop them, or that you’d even be the least bit upset by it, you could go. But I will not let you disrespect the woman I love again. Is that clear?”

Tally, who was now shaking against the seat from a mixture of anger and fear, was silent.

“I said IS THAT CLEAR?” Dean suddenly shouted.

A timid Tally swallowed and answered in a tiny voice, “Yes, sir.”

“I cannot believe how much of a spoiled brat you are. You are eleven years old and your mother, Sam, and I have worked as much of our lives around for you as we can. Sam and I have taken every single hunt for the last three months without your mother so that the two of you can be together. Despite that attitude that you have _finally_ been punished for, you were allowed to play soccer. You have been allowed to see friends. You have been allowed to go see that family that you hold so close when you don’t seem to give two shits about your mother. Well, this is it, Tally. We’re done. If you speak at any point during this ride, answer any question that is not directly asked to you, then you will start coming on every single hunt we have. And I dare you to tell me I can’t do that.”

Tally, whose mouth had flown open to say exactly that, snapped shut again.

“And if you speak another word to your mother about how she _abandoned_ you, I will pull this car over and we will have a repeat of last night. Only this time, it’ll be with my belt. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. You’re still writing that letter to your father. And I’m adding something to this. You’re writing me an essay. An essay about family, and what it really, truly means. If I don’t like it, it gets redone. Understand?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. Now, if you behave the rest of the day, you get your dinner with your grandmother tomorrow. You don’t, you and I have another discussion about respect. We will talk about it as many times as it takes for the message to get through. Do you understand me?”

“Yes,sir.”

“Okay. Lily, are you gonna stay in the backseat or get out and come up front with me?”

Lily didn’t know quite what to think. Tally had turned back to looking at the window, furiously wiping tears away from her face that she obviously didn’t want her mother to see. Defeated, she climbed over the seat and got in the front, while Tally weeped quietly in the back.

Dean could hear her crying, but being entirely fed up, he told himself that he didn’t care. Tally had done it to herself. He understood why she believed Lily had abandoned her. He really did get it. But Tally didn’t understand. She had always had a stable parent. She didn’t know what it was like to have to cook for yourself, pay your own bills, or face problems that no kid should ever have to face. _That_ was abandonment. Though he’d long ago forgiven his father for ever putting Dean in those predicaments, it still made him furious to hear Tally complaining about how hard it was for her. As the drive progressed and Dean’s fury started to abate, he realized that, again, he’d overreacted. He decided to spend the rest of the ride figuring out what to do about it.

In the backseat, Tally was thinking too. In the course of twenty-four hours, she’d had three separate blowout confrontations. Two with Dean, one of which had ended with her being called a bitch and the other which had ended with her being called a brat, and one with Lily, where Lily had told her to shut up and how horrible of a kid she was and that Ken would be ashamed of her.

Tally’s attitude had earned her a spanking. The worst one she’d ever gotten, other than the time that she’d called her mother a bitch in front of her father and she’d ended up with a sore butt that lasted for days. Now, on a day that she’d vowed to not start anything with Lily or Dean, she was being threatened with another spanking, this time with Dean’s belt, because she was afraid to be alone.

Lily and Dean had both apologized, rather weakly Tally thought, and she was just expected to forgive them.

Tally took out the letter she’d written to her father and reread it.

_Hi Daddy._

_I hope you’re happy up there in heaven. I wish I could be with you._

_I’ve made a mess of things down here. I know you always told me I shouldn’t be mad at Mommy for not being here. But I’ve gotten mad at her a lot lately. I know she’s trying, but I just don’t trust her to stay around. I don’t trust that she won’t leave me again and decide that hunting’s more important. I’m sorry, Daddy. I know you always told me that Mommy loves me and I should always remember that._

_I do believe you that she loves me. I just don’t know if she loves me more than she loves her job._

_I know that uncle Pete and aunt Gina and Grandma love me. I know that they’d take me in in a heartbeat if I asked them to. Uncle Pete even told me he’d take Mommy to court and make sure I could come live with him. He told me I could play soccer and go see Grandma whenever I want and play with Artie and just be a kid. But I told him no. I told him no because I know it’s not what you wanted and because, no matter how mad I am at her, or how much I don’t trust her, I can’t hurt Mommy that way._

_I guess I did the same thing with soccer that Mommy does to me with hunting. She took it away from me, so she must know how much I love it. With you not being here and me not being able to see Grandma or uncle Pete and aunt Gina like before, it was the only thing I could really have that reminded me of you. At practice I could think about you telling me I was doing good, or how I could kick the ball even farther than I already did, and it didn’t make me feel sad like I did before. It made me feel good about myself, just like you used to do._

_But I guess I should’ve tried a little harder with Mommy and Dean. I’m sorry for that, Daddy._

_My attitude’s been rotten too. I tried to tell Mommy that me and uncle Pete were planning a surprise party for Grandma’s birthday this weekend. I was supposed to keep Grandma busy at my game while uncle Pete and aunt Gina set up the party. We were planning it up big-Grandma’s favorite food, a big cake, all her friends, everything. We were trying to make her happy for once. She’s been so sad since you died, Daddy. She misses you so much. But I guess I missed it all up. Maybe if I’d been nicer to Mommy and Dean, they would’ve listened to me last night and just let me stay with uncle Pete. I would have liked them to be there too, but I get that they have a job to do and I can’t always come first. I’ll try harder to be nicer to them, and maybe I won’t mess up the family anymore._

_I’m sorry you’re ashamed of me, Daddy. I’ll try hard to do better. I love you and I miss you._

_Love you forever,_

_Tally_

The feelings of shame welled up inside Tally again, and eventually she fell into a fitful sleep. Her father’s voice from her dream the night before haunted her, and Tally wondered if anything would ever be alright again.

The sun had just begun to go down when Dean pulled into the motel parking lot to meet Sam. He could tell right away that something was wrong. Badly wrong. Sam approached the car with a bitch face that Dean had never seen before, and he slammed the steering wheel hard when Sam delivered the news. His hand slamming the steering wheel woke a startled Tally in the backseat.

The hunt was a hoax.   
  
Sam had been so angry he hadn’t noticed Tally in the back, or how quiet and subdued Lily was in the front seat. When he saw Tally jump, he asked curiously,

“What are you doing here?”

Trying to follow Dean’s earlier directive of not saying anything unless asked, Tally answered in as neutral a way as possible, “Mom and Dean told me I had to come.”

“What? Why? Didn’t you have a soccer game this weekend?” Sam turned to Lily and asked, “Why not just let her stay with her grandmother?”

It was then that Sam noticed Dean’s own face, which was scowling at him. Sam, used to this treatment from Dean, immediately put the pieces together.

“What happened?” When no one spoke, Sam looked to Tally. “Tally?”

“I can’t answer that.” Tally said. She _could,_ but was honestly afraid she couldn’t answer it in the respectful way that Dean wanted, so she deferred to him by pointing to him again.

“That’s it.” Sam pulled two sets of motel room keys out of his pocket and handed one to Dean. “Dean, Lily, your room is 4C. I’m in 4D with Bobby. You two go up to the room now. Tally, stay down here.”

“Sam…”

“Dean, I am so not in the damn mood right now. Something happened after I left for this hunt, and I am not in the mood to get the watered down version from you. Something good is going to happen this weekend, and whether you like it or not, it’s going to be done my way. We are settling all this shit _now_. Now get out of the damn car and give me the keys before I drag your ass out and kick it from here to hell and back again.”

A stunned Dean complied, walking with Lily towards their room. Sam drove off a minute later with Tally, and Dean felt his stomach drop at the thought of Sam’s reaction to the previous night’s events. The two of them had taken a shower and were anxiously awaiting Sam and Tally’s return.

Though they didn’t have long to wait, only fifty-seven minutes according to Dean’s calculations, it sure felt like a lot longer. And when Sam opened the door, Tally trailing behind him with a huge ice cream sundae in her hand looking much more relaxed than an hour before, he became even more anxious. Sam shared a brief hug with Tally and told her to sit on the small couch provided in the room.

“Finish your ice cream, kiddo. I got this. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Sam whispered something into Tally’s ear, who nodded and seemed to brace herself. _For what?_ Dean wondered, though he had his answer a second later. Sam slammed the door with such force that the pictures on the wall shook in their frames, and gone was the sweet friend who’d been trying to make Tally feel better. In his place was a Sam who made every inch of six foot four stature known as he crossed his arms against his chest.

“What in the hell is the matter with the two of you?”


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay. So this fight is turning out to be much longer than I pictured. A third part is coming. Stay tuned.**

THEN

Though they didn’t have long to wait, only fifty-seven minutes according to Dean’s calculations, it sure felt like a lot longer. And when Sam opened the door, Tally trailing behind him with a huge ice cream sundae in her hand looking much more relaxed than an hour before, he became even more anxious. Sam shared a brief hug with Tally and told her to sit on the small couch provided in the room.

“Finish your ice cream, kiddo. I got this. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Sam whispered something into Tally’s ear, who nodded and seemed to brace herself. _For what?_ Dean wondered, though he had his answer a second later. Sam slammed the door with such force that the pictures on the wall shook in their frames, and gone was the sweet friend who’d been trying to make Tally feel better. In his place was a Sam who made every inch of six foot four stature known as he crossed his arms against his chest.

“What in the hell is the matter with the two of you?”

NOW

The silence in the room was thick and tangible. The only sound after Sam slamming the door was Tally’s plastic spoon scraping the bottom of her ice cream bowl, and with the tension still brimming from Lily and Dean, the sound seemed to echo.

“Well? Are either of you gonna answer me?”

“Sam, just…”

“Dean, I’m so not in the mood right now. What happened last night? I’ve gotten Tally’s side of it. Now I want to hear yours and Lily’s.”

“It’s okay, Sam.” Lily said. “It’s pretty simple. We got in an argument about Tally coming this weekend.”

“Right. Dean? Is that the truth?”

“Yeah.” Dean said simply.

Sam knew right away Dean was hiding something. Sam wondered briefly why Dean ever bothered trying to hide anything from him. He knew Dean’s every look, every move that he made, every time he was trying to keep something to himself. Sam waited another five seconds, deliberately making Lily and Dean more uncomfortable, before he asked,

“Is that the truth, Dean? Is that the _whole_ truth and nothing but the truth?”

Dean glared at Sam and practically snarled “Yes.”

“Okay. So here’s the first question. Did you make Tally miss the game that you promised her you would be at?”

“Yes, but…”

“No buts. These are not essay questions.” Sam said. “Second question. Did you at least _try_ to do what you could to make sure she could go to this game? Because it’s really not that hard to find a babysitter for her.”

Dean scowled again. “No.”

“So you did nothing to try and keep at least part of your promise?”

Dean sighed. “No.”

“Good. Now, my last question for you. Did you or did you not call an eleven-year-old girl a bitch?”

Finally, Dean had the sense to look at least a little bit regretful. “Yes.”

“Okay. Good. Lily, your tun. I want to know what exactly she did that prompted you to take her off the soccer team.”

Lily sputtered. “She…she, uh…”

“What _specifically_ did she do that made you punish her for a _year_?”

“Look, Sam, go after me all you want, but keep Lily out of it.” Dean said.

“Contrary to what you seem to believe, Dean, you don’t run the show all the time. Lily is just as responsible for this as you are. Maybe even more. So until I’m talking to you again, sit down and shut the hell up.

Dean would never admit it, but he was shaking. An angry Sam was a scary sight. Annoyed Sam, which appeared much more often, he could handle. But angry Sam terrified him.   
  
“Well? Lily? Answer the question. What specifically did she do to make you punish her for a year?”

Lily swallowed and spoke calmly but quietly. “Her attitude when Dean and I told her to go to bed…”

“And what did she have an attitude about, Lily? What exactly did she refuse to do?”

“Tell me good night.”

“And why did you refuse to tell your mother good night, Tally?”

Tally, who had finished her ice cream and looked ready to cry, shook her head.

“Come on, Starlight.” Sam urged, making Tally smile. He hadn’t used that nickname since Tally was little. “It’s okay. Everything you told me, they both need to hear.”

Tally nodded. “I was mad.”

“Why were you so mad?”

“Because mom’s always trying to get me to talk to her, tell her what’s bothering me, and the first time I really try, she won’t listen to me.”

Lily was stunned. “I did listen to you.”   
  


“No, you didn’t. You just told me you were sorry but I couldn’t have my game because Dean needed you for a hunt.”

“Well, baby, I thought he did.”

“But you could’ve at least let me talk.” Tally said. Every time I opened my mouth all you kept saying was ‘you’re going and that’s that’. If I interrupted you or Dean like that, I’d get in big trouble.”

Lily sighed heavily. “You’re right. I’m sorry. What were you trying to say that I wouldn’t listen to?”

“We’ll get to that.” Sam intervened. “Tally, where’s that letter you wrote to your dad?”

“I left it in the car.” Tally answered, a blush forming on her cheeks. “Sorry, Sammy.”

“It’s okay. You can go down and get it in a minute. Before that, though, do you remember you and I talked about?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you repeat it for Dean and your mom?”

Tally nodded. “My attitude’s been really rotten.”

“And…?”

“And I could’ve been a lot nicer and a lot calmer, and maybe last night wouldn’t have happened. Maybe we could’ve all gotten along a lot better this whole time.”

“Very good.” Sam said proudly. “Very good.”

“I’m sorry, Mom. I’m sorry, Dean.”

Lily, ever ready to improve things as much as possible between her and Tally, smiled. “It’s okay, baby.”

“Apology accepted.” Dean said gruffly.

“Alright. Good. Tally, why don’t you go down and grab your notebook and that letter?”

“Sure.”

Tally could see Dean starting to argue the decision to let her go outside alone, but she needed a minute to think. It felt good having someone actually sit down and listen to her without making any comments. But that’s exactly what Sammy had done at the ice cream shop. He’d asked Tally about what had happened, and just listened. For thirty minutes, Tally unloaded everything onto Sam. How lonely she felt not being able to see her family. How she felt that there were three totems on her mother’s pole, and she always took the bottom one. Hunting took the rung above her, and Dean was at the top. The fight from the night before. Everything that she’d said to her mother and Dean, and everything that they’d said to her.

She’d prepared herself for the lecture she was certain Sam was about to deliver, but none came. Sam simply asked her if she wanted a hug, gave her one, then talked to her. Talked _to_ her, and not at her. His exact words had been that while her attitude over the last few weeks had been a bit ‘prickly’, she was hurting and scared. He understood, and for the first time, Tally believed it when someone told her that. Sam really. did understand, and he didn’t condemn her for being angry at what had happened to her. It made it much easier for her to accept it when Sam gently explained that while he did understand what was going on with her, it was time for her to start getting some help. Being angry all the time did nothing but cause herself and other people pain, and if she wanted help, he’d do all he could to help her.

Forty-five minutes of talking, really talking, and Tally felt better than she had in months.

She’d begged Sam not to talk to talk to Dean and Lily, but he’d refused. He claimed that they needed to know what was going on in her head. If she didn’t want to tell them herself, he would do it, Sam promised, but it needed to be done in order for things to be changed. Tally had accepted it, and now she knew she needed to give Sam the notebook from the car.

When she got back to the room, she handed the notebook back to Sam and stood awkwardly, unsure of what to do. Sam took her hand and suggested,

“Why don’t you go next door with uncle Bobby?”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Your mom and Dean and I need to talk.” Sam said.

“Okay.”

Tally turned awkwardly towards her mom and Dean. She knew they were about to get in big trouble, and a part of her wanted to stay there for it. But a part of her didn’t want to see it either. Sam was the first adult in her life, after her father and the rest of her family, that had actually made the effort to prove she could trust him, so she decided to do that now.

“Hey. I want to tell you something first.” Sam said, pulling her hand and going to whisper in her ear.

Lily watched closely as Tally listened to whatever Sam told her. The absolute trust Tally seemed to have in him made Lily jealous. Whatever Sam told her made Tally cry, and he comforted her before sending her on her way to Bobby’s. The second to Tally was out the door, Sam turned back to Dean and Lily with that same exasperated, angry look in his eye.

“What did you tell her?”

“What?”

“Before she left.” Lily asked. “You said something to her and it made her cry.”

“Yeah. She did. I told her she was a good kid, and to not forget that. You want to know what she whispered in my ear? That I was the first one to tell her that since Ken died.”

For the first time since the whole fight had started, neither Dean nor Lily knew what to say. They looked at each other, as they both tended to do when one was confused, but there was nothing. Both were just as lost as the other.

“Maybe you should both think about that tonight.” Sam suggested. “On top of all the other stuff I’m gonna give you to think about.”

“What do you mean?”

“Tell me why you said _nothing_ when your boyfriend called your heartbroken eleven-year-old daughter a bitch.”

“I made him apologize…”

“But why didn’t you say anything _when it happened_?” Sam said. “Do you know how much trust you might have made for yourself if you had stood up for her right then and there?”

“Sam, I don’t feel good about that…”

“I would hope you don’t ‘feel good’ about this, Dean. Because it’s really damn hypocritical of you to get on Tally for how she’s dealing with this when you were such sunshine and roses after Dad died.”

“I wasn’t in a bad mood for three months after it.” Dean defended.

“The hell you weren’t.” Sam said. “Let me ask you something, Dean. Let’s say Tally’s eighteen. A guy asks her out, but she doesn’t like him and she says no. He calls her a bitch for it. Is that okay?”

“Hell, no.”

“If she told you about it, what would you do?”

“Kick the dude’s ass. But that’s not the same…”

“It’s exactly the same. You didn’t like how she was acting so you called her a bitch. But just think about this, Dean. If Dad had heard you say that to Tally, no matter what was going on at the time, how do you think he would feel?” Sam noted the hurt that crossed Dean’s face, and he decided to drive the point home. “To use Lily’s word, he’d be ashamed of you.”

Sam let a moment of heavy silence pass before continuing his verbal confrontation.

“I just can’t wrap my head around how stupid the two of you are. Did it ever occur to you to just ask her grandmother or her uncle to watch her this weekend until we got back?”

“I was scared they wouldn’t bring her back.” Lily explained.

“After what happened last night and this morning, that might not be the worst thing in the world.” Sam noted the way that Lily cringed, but he had only a miniscule amount of sympathy for her at the moment. “Let me explain something to you, Lily. I get that you need to step up and be her mother. I agree with that. But I know what it feels like to be a child and be told that the person you love the most in the world is ashamed of you because you just want to be a kid and not take the lives of everyone else around your world on your shoulders. It hurts. It hurts in here.” Sam pointed to his heart, and Lily nearly felt the breath leave her body. “I know what that’s like, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”

Lily couldn’t speak, only choosing to nod her understanding.

“And I’ll tell you this, too. It’s really messed up that the only person to stand up for your daughter is me and not you. Because I don’t think it’s Tally Ken would be ashamed of right now.” Sam pulled Tally’s letter out of his pocket. “I’m reading this out loud to you. Because I want you to feel how messed up her thinking’s gotten.”

_Hi Daddy._

_I hope you’re happy up there in heaven. I wish I could be with you._

_I’ve made a mess of things down here. I know you always told me I shouldn’t be mad at Mommy for not being here. But I’ve gotten mad at her a lot lately. I know she’s trying, but I just don’t trust her to stay around. I don’t trust that she won’t leave me again and decide that hunting’s more important. I’m sorry, Daddy. I know you always told me that Mommy loves me and I should always remember that._

_I do believe you that she loves me. I just don’t know if she loves me more than she loves her job._

_I know that uncle Pete and aunt Gina and Grandma love me. I know that they’d take me in in a heartbeat if I asked them to. Uncle Pete even told me he’d take Mommy to court and make sure I could come live with him. He told me I could play soccer and go see Grandma whenever I want and play with Artie and just be a kid. But I told him no. I told him no because I know it’s not what you wanted and because, no matter how mad I am at her, or how much I don’t trust her, I can’t hurt Mommy that way._

_I guess I did the same thing with soccer that Mommy does to me with hunting. She took it away from me, so she must know how much I love it. With you not being here and me not being able to see Grandma or uncle Pete and aunt Gina like before, it was the only thing I could really have that reminded me of you. At practice I could think about you telling me I was doing good, or how I could kick the ball even farther than I already did, and it didn’t make me feel sad like I did before. It made me feel good about myself, just like you used to do._

_But I guess I should’ve tried a little harder with Mommy and Dean. I’m sorry for that, Daddy._

_My attitude’s been rotten too. I tried to tell Mommy that me and uncle Pete were planning a surprise party for Grandma’s birthday this weekend. I was supposed to keep Grandma busy at my game while uncle Pete and aunt Gina set up the party. We were planning it up big-Grandma’s favorite food, a big cake, all her friends, everything. We were trying to make her happy for once. She’s been so sad since you died, Daddy. She misses you so much. But I guess I missed it all up. Maybe if I’d been nicer to Mommy and Dean, they would’ve listened to me last night and just let me stay with uncle Pete. I would have liked them to be there too, but I get that they have a job to do and I can’t always come first. I’ll try harder to be nicer to them, and maybe I won’t mess up the family anymore._

_I’m sorry you’re ashamed of me, Daddy. I’ll try hard to do better. I love you and I miss you._

_Love you forever,_

_Tally_

“What have I done?” Lily asked.

Lily could finally see the truth behind her behavior. She’d been incredibly selfish. She’d been trying so hard to keep a foot in the hunting world and a foot in Tally’s world, but all she’d done was make Tally think that she wasn’t important. The thought that Tally ever felt like Lily loved hunting more than her…as much as she hated to admit it, made sense. She liked to tell Tally that Tally was the most important thing in her life, but Dean had always taken that spot. If Dean was hurt, or needed help with a hunt, or just generally didn’t want to be alone, whatever was going on with Tally took second place. With Ken in the middle, Lily had always thought things would be okay. But they weren’t.

Maybe she hadn’t done as good a job as she thought of keeping the two apart.

“Dean, give me the car keys.”

“Excuse me?” Dean asked.

“You heard me. Give me the car keys.”

“Why?”

“Think about this, Dean. How many times has Tally picked a fight with you? How many times has she yelled at you or called you a name like you did last night?” When Dean started to talk, Sam cut him off. “How many times has she done something like that and it wasn’t a reaction to something that you did?”

Dean was silent. He couldn’t think of a single time Tally had started anything with him. She’d only been reacting every time he tried to exercise authority he hadn’t really earned. 

“Because Tally got spanked, and yelled at, and name called for her bad attitude. And she apologized without having to be prompted, by the way. But you? You bust in, try to take Ken’s place and then do what you did last night? And the only thing you have to do is apologize after Lily makes you? I don’t think so. Give me the car keys. You can take Bobby’s truck home.”

“What are you? Dad?”

“You want me to do what Dad would’ve done here, Dean? Cause I can do that too.”

Dean swallowed and shook his head, seeing that Sam was serious. He handed over the keys to the Impala.

“That’s what I thought. I’m taking Tally home tonight. Bobby’s going with us. But before I do, I’ve got homework for you two.” Sam produced the notebook and handed it to Lily. “I asked her to write down all the times she wanted you home when you weren’t there. I wanted to make you write a letter to her, apologizing for each and every time.”

Lily nodded. “That’s fair.”

“There’s fifty entries.” Sam said. “She filled up three pages front and back.”

“What?”

“Look at them, and write one big letter for all of them.”

“I’ll do it.”

“Do not come back until you two have decided what to do.” Sam said. “If we’re not at the house when you get there, we’ll be at her grandmother’s.”

Sam left the room, leaving a guilty Dean and Lily behind. Lily started to thumb through the notebook, but had to close it. She turned to Dean and said sadly,

“We need to talk.”


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Okay, guys. I’ve rewritten this chapter so many times. This is it. It turned out longer than I meant for it to, but I like the outcome.**

**I hope everyone’s doing well and staying safe.**

It didn’t feel like a blessing, but later in her life it would come to be a moment that Lily appreciated. It was the moment where she realized the worst mistake she’d ever made, and she’d wish that she could go back and reverse it.

_Ten Years Earlier_

_It was all coming to an end._

_She and Ken had been fighting all day now. She supposed it was inevitable, but that didn’t make it any less painful. The dreaded d word, divorce, had finally been said, and Lily was sad that she didn’t feel sadder about it._

_As always, it came down to hunting. Lily couldn’t help but look at the newspapers every day, trying to find cases to work. Ken was doing his best to make a life for them. He was trying to give them the life that they all deserved._

_Especially the baby._

_It struck Lily how often she referred to Tally as ‘the baby’. Maybe, she thought, it made it easier to accept the inevitable. That she wasn’t fit to be Tally’s mother. That it was better for everyone if Lily just accepted who she was and went back to it._

_Even if it meant leaving everything behind._

_At the moment, Ken was in his office, pretending to do some paperwork for his first day of teaching in the morning. At least, that was what he’d said. Lily knew it was a stall tactic. He was trying to avoid the reality of what was actually going on._

_Lily thought about just leaving straight away, but knew she’d never forgive herself if she did that. She put her bag by the door and walked down the hall slowly. Her first stop was the door of her and Ken’s bedroom. He was lying down on the bed. Whether or not he was actually sleeping, Lily couldn’t tell, but she walked on. It hurt, but she walked on._

_Tally’s room was only a few feet away, but the walk felt slow and painful. Lily walked inside expecting to find Tally fast asleep. Instead, what she found was Tally wide awake, sucking on her toes and staring up at the mobile above her crib._

_“Hey, you. What are you doing up?”_

_Tally cooed and offered her mother a toothless smile._

_“Want me to turn this on for you?”_

_Lily reached up and turned the button on the mobile. When Tally saw the planets on the mobile start to turn and heard the music start to play, her smile grew wider and she giggled._

_“You really like that, don’t you? Daddy did good.”_

_Tally made some indecipherable babbles and pointed up at her mobile. Look at it, Mommy, Lily imagined her saying. Lily stared at it with her for a few moments before hugging her tightly and preparing to say goodbye._

_“Mommy loves you so much, Tally Belle.”_

_Tally cooed again and snuggled her Mommy close._

_“I have to go, baby girl. I know you don’t understand what I’m saying right now, but one day you’re gonna be mad at Mommy for this. I’m so sorry. But I’m afraid if I stay with you I’m just gonna end up leaving you when you’re old enough to understand, and that’ll hurt you even more.”_

_“Ma.”_

_A startled Lily pulled Tally away from their tight hug and stared at her. “What did you say?”_

_“Ma.” Tally repeated, pressing a hand to Lily’s cheek._

_“Are you trying to say Mama?”_

_“Ma.”_

_“Oh. You have no idea how happy you’ve made me, honey.” Lily said. She twirled Tally around a little, making the newly six-month-old giggle, and making it harder to do what she had come to do._

_“Ma.” Tally said again._

_“You’re killing me here, kid.” Lily said. “Come on. Let’s put you back to bed.”_

_But Tally refused to be laid down. She clung to her mother tightly, and Lily finally gave up. She carried Tally down the hall to her-no, to Ken’s-bedroom, and stopped in front of the door. She kissed Tally’s cheek again, then told her she loved her one more time before carrying her into the bedroom and handing her to Ken. A few minutes later, both of them were fast asleep._

_“Sweet dreams, baby girl. Mommy’s so sorry.”_

Joy, Ken’s mother, had always been kind to Lily. Even when she and Ken ran off at the age of seventeen to get married, and Lily’s own mother had disowned her for that, Joy had taken care of Lily like a daughter. She’d never judged Lily for leaving, the way that Pete and Gina, Ken’s brother and sister-in-law, had done. Which was why Lily hadn’t been surprised the night before when she called Joy with her proposition and Joy accepted on the spot.

As Lily and Dean pulled up to Joy’s house the next day, one thing caught Lily’s attention. Tally was running around the front yard slowly, turning back every few seconds to see where her pursuer was. Eighteen-month-old Art would get just a few feet away from Tally, reaching his arm out to touch her, before Tally would take off again, causing the little boy to nearly fall over in glee. Finally, Tally laid down on the ground and let the baby ‘catch’ her, before picking him up and tickling him so loud his screams of joy could be heard audibly in the cab of the truck that Lily and Dean had borrowed from Bobby to come home in.

Sam and Bobby had made themselves at home on a bench in Joy’s front yard. Joy had taken a seat in her own chair, watching Tally and Art run around the yard and talking to Sam and Bobby at the same time. Pete was at the grill, turning over hot dogs and hamburgers, and Gina was walking out with two bottles of beer, which she handed to Sam and Bobby.

The scene was next to perfect, and Lily couldn’t help but notice the one glaring, missing detail.

Her and Dean.

Dean killed the engine to the truck and noticed the same thing that Lily did. Tally running through the yard, letting the baby catch up with her, and the painful guilt he’d felt since the night before sharpened again. She was happier than Dean had seen her in months. The anger that seemed to constantly be a part of her face was gone, replaced with the childish peace he was afraid that she’d lost permanently. Even Sam and Bobby seemed happier there.

“It’s nice, ain’t it?” Dean said.

“I haven’t seen her that happy in months.”

Dean took a look at Lily and saw her wiping tears away. He disagreed with what Lily had decided to do the night before, but did agree that he’d been having too much say in Tally’s life. Maybe backing off really was for the best. “Hey.”

Lily looked to him, her tear streaked face killing Dean’s heart. “Yeah?”

“You sure about this?”

“It’s the one thing I am sure about.” Lily said. “She needs them more than she needs me right me right now.”

“That’s not true. She needs all of you…”

“I’m doing this, Dean.”

Dean nodded. “Okay.”

“Let’s go.”

Lily and Dean stepped out of the truck together, and all activity at the party stopped. Except for one thing. Tally stood up and ran to her mother.

“Mommy!”

A shocked Lily grabbed and embraced Tally. “Hey.”

“You really came.”

“Yeah. Is that okay?” Lily asked.

“Of course it is. I just thought…” Tally started to say but stopped herself before she could finish.   
  


“You thought what?”

“That maybe you didn’t want to come anymore.” Tally said quietly. “After last night.”

Lily squeezed Tally a little bit tighter, hoping that maybe it would ease the pain shooting through her conscience at the moment. When Tally squeezed her back, Lily felt a little better, but she knew it was time to have the conversation she’d needed to have for months now.

“Will you come inside with me for a few minutes?”

“Sure.” Tally said. “Grandma, we’re going in.”

“Okay, baby.”

Baby Artie called from the other end of the yard, where he had been impatiently waiting for Tally to chase him again. “Tee Tee!”

“I’ll be back, Artie.”

“Tee Tee get me!” Artie demanded.

“Hey Artie.” Sam offered. “Can I chase you?”

“He’s really good at it, Artie.” Tally said.

Baby Artie regarded Sam with a little suspicion at first, then took off running in the direction of the house. Satisfied he was occupied, Tally walked inside with her mother and Dean and took her seat on the couch. Dean sat on one side of her and Lily on the other, and Tally waited patiently to see what they both had to say. To her surprise, Dean was first.

“Hey, kiddo. I’m sorry about what I said to you.”

“I know you are. You already said that…”

“Just let me finish, okay?” Dean said gently. Tally bit her bottom lip and waited. Dean cautiously reached for Tally’s hand, and Tally accepted it in hers. “Listen. What I said to you was really wrong. I _am_ sorry, but more than that, I don’t want you to think that it’s ever okay. You deserve a lot better than that. If anybody treats you like that, I want you to tell somebody. Me or your mom or Sam. Okay?”

“Okay.” Tally said quietly.

“And I’m sorry that I kept you from your family. I always believed family came first, but I guess I really only believed that for my family.”

Tally smiled. “I’m your family?”

“Of course you are, kiddo.” Dean said.

“Like Mommy and Sam?”

“Exactly like your mom and Sam.”

“My turn.” A tearful Lily said. She reached into the small bag she’d brought inside with her and pulled out the notebook Tally had written in. “I read the list Sam asked you to make. Why didn’t you ever tell me any of this?”

“Daddy asked me not to.” Tally said.

“Why? I don’t understand.”

“He always said that if I spent too much time being angry at you when you were here with me, that I’d feel bad about it. That I needed to make the most of it ‘cause there was no way to tell when you might come back.”

Lily took a deep breath before answering. Even years after they’d divorced, Ken was still her best friend. She’d always thought that she could depend on him to tell her everything, but she’d never known about Ken’s policy of silence when it came to Tally. Apparently, he’d decided to shoulder all the bad stuff alone and just let her in on the good so that she wouldn’t feel guilty.

It didn’t work.

“Listen. Your daddy was a smart man. He was good, and loyal, and he loved you to the day he died. He was my best friend in this entire world. So when I say what I’m about to say, I don’t want you to doubt that. Okay?”

“Okay. What is it?”

“Your daddy telling you not to talk to me about how you’re feeling is the single dumbest thing he’s ever done.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I’m your mom. I want to know that stuff, okay? I want to know when you feel sad, or upset, or angry. I want to know that. You got me?”

Tally nodded and squirmed a little, the floor suddenly looking very interesting.

“Tally? Talk to me, baby. What are you thinking?”

“I want to tell you that stuff. But I don’t feel like you listen to me. I tried to tell you about Grandma’s party, you didn’t listen. And yeah, I know I was yelling…” Tally said, cutting off the objection Dean started to make, “and I know that yelling makes it harder to listen to me, but I didn’t start by yelling. I was calm, but you kept telling me I had to go and I didn’t have a choice. You didn’t even know about Grandma’s party because you wouldn’t let me tell you.”

“I know. I know I didn’t listen very well. You’re right. And I’ll work on that. I will. But I want to know all that. If I work on listening, will you work on staying calmer? Do we have a deal?”

“Deal.”

“Now onto the really important stuff.” Lily said. “I’m so sorry, my baby. I’m so sorry. I know I said I was done apologizing to you, but the truth is I never really did. I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry that I was never here for you when it mattered. I never really knew how much you wanted a mommy. How much you were hurting and aching for one. And that’s what you deserve. You deserve a mommy that’s not selfish. That makes you proud and saves people because it’s the right thing to do and not because she feels like such a failure. That doesn’t keep you away from the people that love you because she’s afraid you’ll want them instead of me. You deserve a mommy that’s patient with you, and says goodnight to you. and doesn’t get mad at you for being mad at her or tell you to shut up or…” Lily had to take a deep, ragged breath when the guilt shot sharp pain though her heart. “Or lets anyone call you mean names. You deserve all that and much more. What I don’t deserve is you. No matter how often I was gone, honey, I never, ever stopped caring about you. I thought about you all the time. There were days I couldn’t have gotten through without knowing that I was coming back to you. You’ve forgiven me so many times when you shouldn’t have. Please, baby, please, I know I don’t deserve it. And I will love you no matter what you decide. But if you can find it in your heart to forgive me one last time, I promise I’ll work as hard as I can to become that mommy that you do deserve.”

“You mean that?” Tally asked. “You mean that for real?”

“For real.” Lily said. “What do you think?”

“I can still see Grandma? And uncle Pete and aunt Gina?”

“Whenever you want. We won’t stop you.” Lily promised.

“I still love you guys. I’m sorry too.”

“For what, baby?”   
  


“I know it must have made you feel bad. Me always wanting to be with them.”

“I get it.” Dean said. “I get it. They’re the ones that were with you all the time growing up.”

“Yeah.”

“So are we all good now?” Lily asked. “Anything else you want to talk about?”

Tally thought about it, maybe for a few seconds too long. Lily could see the confusion on Tally’s face, but not wanting to push anything, she decided to let it rest. For now anyway.

“So what do we do now?” Tally asked.

“Well, Dean and I talked about that last night.” Lily said. “We talked to your grandmother about it too.”

“You talked to Grandma last night?”

“We did.” Lily explained. “I think that it would be best if your grandma helped us take care of you for a little while.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, your grandmother’s gonna move into your daddy’s house with you, and me and Dean are gonna move in here.”

“Why? Why are you gonna move?”

“Because your daddy worked hard to give you a life in that house. It’s not fair to you to take it away, and he wouldn’t be very happy for you to have to leave it.”

“But we’ll still live apart?” Tally asked.

“I’ll only be a few doors down, honey.” Lily assured her. “Your grandma’s gonna get you up for school in the morning and take you there. I’ll pick you up and bring you back. You’ll do your homework here, eat dinner with me and Dean and Sam and your grandmother, then you’ll go home to go to bed. How’s that sound?”

“I like it.” Tally admitted. “But I feel like I pushed you guys away.”

“You didn’t.” Dean interjected. “Your mom and I did a good enough job of that. But we’re the grownups here. This is on us.”

“I know I wasn’t very nice to you. I’m sorry, Dean.”

“It’s cool, kid.”   
  


“Hey. Tally I want to tell you something.” Lily said. “I’m proud of you.”

“Proud of me? For what?”

“Sam told us you owned up to your attitude the last few weeks on your own. That he didn’t have to tell you to. That was very grown up of you.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah. It helped me and Dean realize our part in this too. So how about a truce?”

Tally smiled. “I like that idea.”

“Good.” Lily said. “Now how about we go outside and do your grandma’s birthday right?”

“Can we still take her to dinner?”

“Sure, sweetie. We’ll do that tomorrow night.”

“Okay.” Tally swallowed and decided to reveal the secret she kept from everyone. “I have something to tell you and Dean.”

“What is it?”

“It’s about the night Daddy died. I didn’t tell you ‘cause I was scared you’d hate me.”

“We could never hate you. Tell us.”

Lily was shocked. She knew the basics of that terrible night. Ken and Tally had gone to a movie. They had gone to dinner after the movie. Coming out of the café and walking back to the car, they’d gotten mugged and Ken had been shot. But there was one missing piece.

Apparently, Ken had told Tally to get behind him. Tally, frozen in place because she was so scared, hadn’t listened. She’d apparently been crying and reached up to wipe her face. The mugger, who’d been caught that night and been in jail since, had panicked and aimed the gun at Tally. Which prompted Ken to jump in front of it, saving Tally’s life.

“Hey.” Lily said when Tally’s story was over. “Come here.”

The quietly weeping Tally climbed into Lily’s arms. Tally could feel Dean’s hand on her back, rubbing small circles into it trying to make her feel better. For the first time since Ken’s death, it actually worked. Tally reached a hand behind her, silently asking him to hold her hand again.

“It’s not your fault.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“No, kiddo. It’s not.” Dean said. “I know how you feel. My dad did the same thing. He gave up his life for me. It hurts and it makes you feel bad. But trust me, your dad doesn’t regret it.”

“I miss him.”

“I know. I miss my dad too. But you got a bunch of people here that all love and care about you. We’re here for you. Okay?”

“Okay.” Tally said.

“Hey, Tally?” Lily said. “There’s someone at the window looking for you.”

Tally looked over and saw Sam holding baby Artie, who was making funny faces at his cousin. It worked. Tally immediately started to giggle and waved at Artie, who cheered for ‘Teetee’ and waved her outside.

“Why don’t we go outside?”

“Let’s go.” Tally said. “Mom? Dean? Thanks.”

“No thanks needed, kiddo. Let’s go have some fun.”


End file.
